Act V
1. Time
If the sun rides fast, and disappoints not mortals of to-morrow's dawn, this night shall crown my joys.
- Anything another time.
- When shall I come?
- To-morrow—when you will.
2. Place
• General Locale
What, fellow! a public house, and abed when other people sleep?
• Specific Locale
Come, priest, do your office.
Is Mr. Sullen's family abed, think 'ee?
Ay, ay, this is the chamber, and the lady alone
Run to Gipsy's chamber, there you'll find the doctor; bring him hither presently.--
- Come, rogue, if you have a short prayer, say it.
Ay, my lady, a bed would do very well.— Madam, will you do me the favour to conduct me to a chamber.
3. Society
• Family
With all my heart, sir; my Lady Bountiful is my godmother, and I love Mrs. Dorinda so well--
- Come hither, brother Scrub! don't you know me?
- Eh, my dear brother, let me kiss thee.
- Madam, my lady ordered me to tell you, that your brother is below at the gate.
My brother! Heavens be praised!—Sir, he shall thank you for your services; he has it in his power.
Sir Charles Freeman, brother to the lady that I had almost—but no matter for that, 'tis a cursed night's work, and so I leave you to make the best on't.
• Love and Friendship
Fortune! why, sir, I have no quarrel at her fortune: I only hate the woman, sir, and none but the woman shall go.
No, I 'm condemned to be alone till towards four, and then perhaps I may be executed with his company.
Here! what, in my bedchamber at two o'clock o' th' morning, I undressed, the family asleep, my hated husband abroad, and my lovely fellow at my feet!—O 'gad, sister!
Madam, I'll give you demonstration this minute.
From the skies, madam—I'm a Jupiter in love, and you shall be my Alcmena.
Your lips must seal the promise.
- No matter for my adventure, yours is the principal.—Press her this minute to marry you—now while she's hurried between the palpitation of her fear and the joy of her deliverance, now while the tide of her spirits is at high-flood—throw yourself at her feet, speak some romantic nonsense or other —address her, like Alexander in the height of his victory, confound her senses, bear down her reason, and away with her.—The priest is now in the cellar, and dare not refuse to do the work.
You a lover, and not find a way to get off!—Let me see--
Ay, my lady, a bed would do very well.— Madam, will you do me the favour to conduct me to a chamber.
Consider! do you doubt my honour or my love?
• Occupation
Run to Gipsy's chamber, there you'll find the doctor; bring him hither presently.
• Social Rank
What I not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist or a rake?
Hold, profane villain, and take the reward of thy sacrilege!
- How! at the expense of my honour?
- Honour! can honour consist with ingratitude? If you would deal like a woman of honour, do like a man of honour. D' ye think I would deny you in such a case?
I am no lord, but a poor needy man, come with a mean, a scandalous design to prey upon your fortune; but the beauties of your mind and person have so won me from myself that, like a trusty servant, I prefer the interest of my mistress to my own.
Of your honour and estate. Your brother died the day before I left London; and all your friends have writ after you to Brussels;—among the rest I did myself the honour.
• Social Standards
Ay, sir; and unless you have pity upon me, and smoke one pipe with me, I must e'en go home to my wife, and I had rather go to the devil by half.
But I presume, sir, you won't see your wife to-night; she 'll be gone to bed. You don't use to lie with your wife in that pickle?
What I not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist or a rake?
I think so too, friend. But I'm a Justice of peace, and must do nothing against the law.
- Are you prepared boat?
- I 'm ready. But first, my lord, one word.—I have a frightful example of a hasty marriage in my own family; when I reflect upon't it shocks me. Pray, my lord, consider a little—
Law! as I take it, Mr. Justice, nobody observes law for law's sake, only for the good of those for whom it was made.
Nay, sir, if you call a marriage a crime, you must disown it for a law.
Pray, sir, as the saying is, let me ask you one question: are not man and wife one flesh?
No, I 'm condemned to be alone till towards four, and then perhaps I may be executed with his company.
Hush!—I see a dark lantern coming through the gallery—Madam, be assured I will protect you, or lose my life.
Neither: I do believe you equally just as brave: and were your whole sex drawn out forme to choose, I should not cast a look upon the multitude if you were absent. But, my lord, I'm a woman; colours, concealments may hide a thousand faults in me, therefore know me better first; I hardly dare affirm I know myself in anything except my love.
4. Economics
Sir, I am an unfortunate man—I have three thousand pounds a year, and I can't get a man to drink a cup of ale with me.
You 'll let me have her fortune too?
But her fortune, sir--
Who are you, sir? what would you have? d' ye come to rob me?
- Sir, I 'll give you two hundred pounds to spare my life.
- Have you no more, rascal?
- Yes, sir, I can command four hundred, but I must reserve two of 'em to save my life at the sessions
Come, come, your jewels, mistress!
Of your honour and estate. Your brother died the day before I left London; and all your friends have writ after you to Brussels;—among the rest I did myself the honour.
- Our money's gone, Frank.
- Rot the money! my wench is gone.--
5. Politics and Law
All but the squire himself, sir, as the saying is; he's in the house.
Why, sir, there 's the constable, Mr. Gage the exciseman, the hunch-backed barber, and two or three other gentlemen.
I think so too, friend. But I'm a Justice of peace, and must do nothing against the law.
Law! as I take it, Mr. Justice, nobody observes law for law's sake, only for the good of those for whom it was made.
But, if the law orders me to send you to jail you must lie there, my friend.
Nay, sir, if you call a marriage a crime, you must disown it for a law.
Sir, I have no prayer at all; the government has provided a chaplain to say prayers for us on these occasions.
6. Spirituality
What I not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist or a rake?
I never heard your worship, as the saying is, talk so much before.
- You and your wife, Mr. Guts, may be one flesh, because ye are nothing else; but rational creatures have minds that must be united.
- Minds!
- Ay, minds, sir; don't you think that the mind takes place of the body?
Sir, I have no prayer at all; the government has provided a chaplain to say prayers for us on these occasions.
What! turned over to the priest already!— Look 'ee, doctor, you come before your time; I an't condemned yet, I thank ye. [192]
Come, my dear joy; I vill secure your body and your shoul too; I vill make you a good catholic, and give you an absolution.
Yes, sir, I left the priest and him disputing about religion.
Come, priest, do your office.
Thanks to my guardian angel that led me to the prize!
If the sun rides fast, and disappoints not mortals of to-morrow's dawn, this night shall crown my joys.
- Anything another time.
- When shall I come?
- To-morrow—when you will.
2. Place
• General Locale
What, fellow! a public house, and abed when other people sleep?
• Specific Locale
Come, priest, do your office.
Is Mr. Sullen's family abed, think 'ee?
Ay, ay, this is the chamber, and the lady alone
Run to Gipsy's chamber, there you'll find the doctor; bring him hither presently.--
- Come, rogue, if you have a short prayer, say it.
Ay, my lady, a bed would do very well.— Madam, will you do me the favour to conduct me to a chamber.
3. Society
• Family
With all my heart, sir; my Lady Bountiful is my godmother, and I love Mrs. Dorinda so well--
- Come hither, brother Scrub! don't you know me?
- Eh, my dear brother, let me kiss thee.
- Madam, my lady ordered me to tell you, that your brother is below at the gate.
My brother! Heavens be praised!—Sir, he shall thank you for your services; he has it in his power.
Sir Charles Freeman, brother to the lady that I had almost—but no matter for that, 'tis a cursed night's work, and so I leave you to make the best on't.
• Love and Friendship
Fortune! why, sir, I have no quarrel at her fortune: I only hate the woman, sir, and none but the woman shall go.
No, I 'm condemned to be alone till towards four, and then perhaps I may be executed with his company.
Here! what, in my bedchamber at two o'clock o' th' morning, I undressed, the family asleep, my hated husband abroad, and my lovely fellow at my feet!—O 'gad, sister!
Madam, I'll give you demonstration this minute.
From the skies, madam—I'm a Jupiter in love, and you shall be my Alcmena.
Your lips must seal the promise.
- No matter for my adventure, yours is the principal.—Press her this minute to marry you—now while she's hurried between the palpitation of her fear and the joy of her deliverance, now while the tide of her spirits is at high-flood—throw yourself at her feet, speak some romantic nonsense or other —address her, like Alexander in the height of his victory, confound her senses, bear down her reason, and away with her.—The priest is now in the cellar, and dare not refuse to do the work.
You a lover, and not find a way to get off!—Let me see--
Ay, my lady, a bed would do very well.— Madam, will you do me the favour to conduct me to a chamber.
Consider! do you doubt my honour or my love?
• Occupation
Run to Gipsy's chamber, there you'll find the doctor; bring him hither presently.
• Social Rank
What I not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist or a rake?
Hold, profane villain, and take the reward of thy sacrilege!
- How! at the expense of my honour?
- Honour! can honour consist with ingratitude? If you would deal like a woman of honour, do like a man of honour. D' ye think I would deny you in such a case?
I am no lord, but a poor needy man, come with a mean, a scandalous design to prey upon your fortune; but the beauties of your mind and person have so won me from myself that, like a trusty servant, I prefer the interest of my mistress to my own.
Of your honour and estate. Your brother died the day before I left London; and all your friends have writ after you to Brussels;—among the rest I did myself the honour.
• Social Standards
Ay, sir; and unless you have pity upon me, and smoke one pipe with me, I must e'en go home to my wife, and I had rather go to the devil by half.
But I presume, sir, you won't see your wife to-night; she 'll be gone to bed. You don't use to lie with your wife in that pickle?
What I not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist or a rake?
I think so too, friend. But I'm a Justice of peace, and must do nothing against the law.
- Are you prepared boat?
- I 'm ready. But first, my lord, one word.—I have a frightful example of a hasty marriage in my own family; when I reflect upon't it shocks me. Pray, my lord, consider a little—
Law! as I take it, Mr. Justice, nobody observes law for law's sake, only for the good of those for whom it was made.
Nay, sir, if you call a marriage a crime, you must disown it for a law.
Pray, sir, as the saying is, let me ask you one question: are not man and wife one flesh?
No, I 'm condemned to be alone till towards four, and then perhaps I may be executed with his company.
Hush!—I see a dark lantern coming through the gallery—Madam, be assured I will protect you, or lose my life.
Neither: I do believe you equally just as brave: and were your whole sex drawn out forme to choose, I should not cast a look upon the multitude if you were absent. But, my lord, I'm a woman; colours, concealments may hide a thousand faults in me, therefore know me better first; I hardly dare affirm I know myself in anything except my love.
4. Economics
Sir, I am an unfortunate man—I have three thousand pounds a year, and I can't get a man to drink a cup of ale with me.
You 'll let me have her fortune too?
But her fortune, sir--
Who are you, sir? what would you have? d' ye come to rob me?
- Sir, I 'll give you two hundred pounds to spare my life.
- Have you no more, rascal?
- Yes, sir, I can command four hundred, but I must reserve two of 'em to save my life at the sessions
Come, come, your jewels, mistress!
Of your honour and estate. Your brother died the day before I left London; and all your friends have writ after you to Brussels;—among the rest I did myself the honour.
- Our money's gone, Frank.
- Rot the money! my wench is gone.--
5. Politics and Law
All but the squire himself, sir, as the saying is; he's in the house.
Why, sir, there 's the constable, Mr. Gage the exciseman, the hunch-backed barber, and two or three other gentlemen.
I think so too, friend. But I'm a Justice of peace, and must do nothing against the law.
Law! as I take it, Mr. Justice, nobody observes law for law's sake, only for the good of those for whom it was made.
But, if the law orders me to send you to jail you must lie there, my friend.
Nay, sir, if you call a marriage a crime, you must disown it for a law.
Sir, I have no prayer at all; the government has provided a chaplain to say prayers for us on these occasions.
6. Spirituality
What I not lie with my wife! why, sir, do you take me for an atheist or a rake?
I never heard your worship, as the saying is, talk so much before.
- You and your wife, Mr. Guts, may be one flesh, because ye are nothing else; but rational creatures have minds that must be united.
- Minds!
- Ay, minds, sir; don't you think that the mind takes place of the body?
Sir, I have no prayer at all; the government has provided a chaplain to say prayers for us on these occasions.
What! turned over to the priest already!— Look 'ee, doctor, you come before your time; I an't condemned yet, I thank ye. [192]
Come, my dear joy; I vill secure your body and your shoul too; I vill make you a good catholic, and give you an absolution.
Yes, sir, I left the priest and him disputing about religion.
Come, priest, do your office.
Thanks to my guardian angel that led me to the prize!